When it comes to cars, it is in surfing as it is in life. Only amplified. Meaning? Like your shoes, the car you drive not only says a hell of a lot about you, but also effects how you conduct yourself. But it’s ok, we’re here to help, and thus we give you, your guide to surfers going surfing. In cars.
First off we’re going to straight up cross sports cars of any model off the list. They are, without exception, the hallmark of a wanker, surfer or not. Contrastingly, if you’re a flat-broke core lord then power to you, you shit box driving legend, but most of us want something that’s aesthetically pleasing enough, good on fuel, and that won’t get your front teeth knocked out in the car park at the point. Here goes.
European cars are generally better designed and dearer, and although not ideal as surf wagons due to their reputation as a slightly wanky status symbol, they’re passable, model depending. If you have to, see also: can, then buy a Volvo. They’re tasteful and practical, and, the fact that you’re driving a nicer car than 90% of the other dudes in the carpark will only really be obvious to those in the know.
Now BMW’s, Mercs and Audi’s can safely be grouped together. Rocking up to a quality wave in a low(ish) socioeconomic area—which is where you’ll find pretty much every quality wave, in the world—in a German car will likely result in you getting zero waves, and maybe even leaving with a new addition (see: subtraction) to your paint job. And it’s your fault for being showy. But they’re not the worst.
I could go on for pages about everything that’s wrong with this car. Starting at how baffling it is that those that who’ve inherited, earned, borrowed or stolen to cash to afford one, would want to rub shoulders with all the other cashed-up posers they’re desperate to call peers. How insecure are you? It’s simple. If you think you’ve ever seen a good surfer get out of a Range Rover (particularly a white one), then you’ve either got extremely low standards or need your eyes testing. And for god’s sake don’t lease one. Leasing an expensive car is the definition of living beyond your means. Which, breaking: is pretty much single-handedly what kicked off the GFC back in ’07.
The smart man, who surfs, drives a Japanese car. Simple. Whether it’s a Subaru Forester, Nissan X Trail, or the don of surf vehicle (also chosen vehicle of ISIS, but we’ll leave that for now) the Toyota Landcruiser, they all share the same characteristics. They’re cheap, good on fuel, roomy, and reliable as a south facing corner in the Australian summer. What more could you want?
